


Trust and Betrayal

by stjarna



Series: Season 4 - Coda Challenge [27]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda Challenge @The FitzSimmons Network, Dark, F/M, I feel a bit evil, Lots of Angst, Madame Hydra & Framework!Fitz (mentioned) [don't worry too much about it], Some bus kids, and a bit guilty, but I have no regrets about this fic, coda fic, happy end(ish), implied sexual relationship, spec fic, spoilers for 4x16, trigger warning: suicide attempt mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/pseuds/stjarna
Summary: Coda fic for AoS S4E16 "What if..."Summary in the notes section in case people avoid spoilers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> What if... Fitzsimmons knew each other in the Framework? What happened to Jemma? What turned Fitz from S.H.I.E.L.D. to Hydra? Combines current storyline with flashback narrative.
> 
> Huge thank you to @agent85 for the beta!

Quietly, Fitz swings his legs out of bed. For a moment he sits on the edge, turning back to look at the sleeping woman next to him. She hasn’t moved; her breathing slow and steady. Sometimes, it seems unreal to him what a deep sleeper she is, as if her mind were able to completely log out at the end of the day.

Fitz has no such luck; nightmares disrupting his sleep practically every night.

He doesn’t like spending the night there. Companionship isn’t what he’s looking for with her. And he doesn’t feel like she sees it any different. Sometimes it seems as if she has no feelings at all. Then again, sometimes he feels like he doesn’t either. Not anymore. Nothing but an empty shell on autopilot.

Their relationship, if it could even be called that, has always been a means to an end. It’s for taking care of physical needs. It’s for taking his mind off dark memories, even if it’s just for a short time.

Sometimes he almost thinks of it as some kind of punishment.

He deserves being with her. Dark. Closed off. Maybe even dangerous.

Madame Hydra. _Ha!_ The name alone. Sometimes Fitz feels like laughing out loud at the absurdity of it.

But he deserves being with her.

He deserves being with someone so completely different from Jemma.

Not that he’d ever _been_ with Jemma. He’d never told her. Never had the courage to. Best friends. He hadn’t minded as long as she was a part of his life.

Fitz reaches for his pants and trousers on the floor and puts them on as quietly as possible. His belt jingles, but the body next to him never even stirs.

He doesn’t like spending the night there, but today it hadn’t been _her_ who’d asked _him_ to stay. Today he’d suggested it himself. Probably not for the reasons she’d assumed.

She’d been keeping something from him for days now. Headquarters was spilling over with agents looking for a woman whose identity the Director seemed determined to keep from Fitz.

Something wasn’t right. Something didn’t add up.

Fitz isn’t willing to be kept in the dark any longer.

_You have to trust to be betrayed._

Just because he’s been sleeping with her doesn’t mean she’s above his number one rule.

Once upon a time, he’d felt differently about his father’s cautionary sentiment.

Jemma had made him want to believe differently. She’d made him want to believe that people could be trusted, _should_ be trusted.

But then he had learned that his father had been right all along.

_She_ had trusted him. And _he_ had betrayed her.

Fitz picks up his shirt. He puts it on, closing the buttons one by one.

He still sees her face. Every day. Every night.

The shock in her eyes when the bullets hit her.

The way she looks at him in disbelief before sinking to the floor.

The puddle of blood around her body, growing wider and wider.

Her eyes becoming dim before being extinguished forever.

He still sees the gun in his hands.

Every day. Every night.

He still feels a fog around his memories, like he’s simultaneously there and not there; like part of him is trying to break through a barrier in his own mind, and yet he’s unable to. He’s unable to stop it, unable to stop _himself_.

The fog had only been lifted when Katya had been killed and the spell on him and the others had been broken. By then Fitz had long left the premises, had moved on to do Katya’s bidding elsewhere; wreak havoc.

He never saw Jemma’s body again. He’d heard about a mass grave somewhere on Academy grounds. Restricted access.

_You don’t want to see this!_

But he’d seen it every day since then. Every night.

The official story: laboratory accident, a toxic bio agent, accidentally released, killing two hundred S.H.I.E.L.D. researchers.

No word about Katya. No word about S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and cadets turning on their colleagues and friends. Killing them. One by one.

But the lie could never erase the truth Fitz remembered.

_It wasn’t your fault!_ they said.

But _he_ had pulled the trigger. How could it not be?

He blamed himself for being too weak to withstand Katya’s powers.

Twice, he tried to be his own judge, jury, and executioner. Tried to get away from it all, maybe find her in the afterlife. Not that he believed in such things.

But they wouldn’t let him. They pulled him back to life and wrapped him in cotton. Told him it wasn’t what she would have wanted. Told him it would get better, would get easier.

It never did.

He blamed himself, but they wouldn’t let him, tried to not let him.

So, he started blaming May for saving Katya back in Bahrain. He started blaming Katya and her Inhuman powers. He started blaming the Inhumans. All of them!

After Jemma’s death, Fitz had spent every day, every waking hour thinking about how to prevent further tragedy, how to stop this Inhuman plague and the danger their powers brought along.

Hydra’s rise gave him the answer: homeland security. They had the same goal. And _they_ had the money Fitz needed to put his own plans into action. He didn’t hesitate to join when Madame Hydra approached him.

Fitz knew his methods were, well … questionable; maybe even cruel, maybe not something Jemma would approve of.

But they deserved it. They deserved it for what they’d done to her.

And _she_? Director of Hydra? She was a means to an end in his personal vendetta.

If giving into her advances meant better access to funds and resources to stop the Inhumans once and for all, so be it!

She could have his body.

She could have his mind.

As for his heart?

That had stopped beating the second Jemma’s had.

Fitz puts on his socks and shoes. He glances at the sleeping woman one last time, before leaving the bedroom, grabbing his jacket on the way out, closing the door as quietly as possible.

He walks to her desk in the living area. Doesn’t bother sitting down. Just slowly opens her laptop. He’d known the password for months.

_You have to trust to be betrayed._

Madame Hydra isn’t immune to betrayal.

She’d trusted him but he’d never been able to fully trust her, trust anyone, not even himself.

So he’d gathered as much intel on her and from her as possible; anything that could become useful in the future. Today was the day, it seemed.

It doesn’t take Fitz long to find and access the files on the current mission.

His heart stops when he sees the photograph.

“Jemma.” Her name escapes him like it’s the only breath left in his lungs.

“You weren’t supposed to see that, Leopold.” Her voice is stone-cold. There’s something unnatural about it.

Fitz’s head shoots up. “What’s going on?”

“It’s not her, Leopold. It’s an Inhuman that took on her appearance. I didn’t want you to know as not to upset you.” She comes closer, her movements slow, focused; her eyes glaring at him, assessing him.

There’s logic to her words. Undeniable logic. Shapeshifters. They’d encountered them before.

But something doesn’t add up.

She’d never hesitated before to bring up what had happened to Jemma as a means to convince him to develop more devices and weapons for their fight against the Inhumans and the Resistance.

It doesn’t add up.

His eyes glance back at the photograph on the laptop screen.

This time his heart doesn’t stop.

It reboots.

_Jemma_.

Fitz shakes his head. “You put me in here, didn’t you? You … You changed—” He exhales a shaky breath, clenching his jaw. “What did you do to her, Aida?”

Her body freezes for a moment and she tilts her head slightly to one side, a look of surprise on her face. “You’re not supposed to know my name, Leopold.”

Her eyes grow dark as she straightens her head and takes another step forward.

Fitz draws in a sharp breath. Instinctively he reaches for the top drawer of her desk, pulls it open and takes out the gun. He points it at her, his hand shaking every so slightly, watching her take another step forward.

“I did not intend for it to end this way, Leopold. Protecting the Framework is my prime directive. One that I _must_ uphold, despite my own desires to—”

He shoots.

Once. Twice.

He sees the shock in her eyes when the bullets hit her.

The way she looks at him in disbelief, before sinking to the floor.

The puddle of blood around her body, growing wider and wider.

He closes the laptop, grabs it, and heads for the door.

“Leopold.” Her voice is weak. Reluctantly Fitz turns around, looking at the bleeding woman on the floor. “Leopold, how could y—”

He hears another shot. Looks at the gun in his hand. The barrel pointed at her head.

There’s no fog that needs to be lifted this time. He’s as clear-headed as he’d ever been.

* * *

* * *

The elevator doors open and Fitz hurries down the empty hallway, his head constantly turning back as if she would reappear any moment now. He knows where he is. He knows the security codes. He knows where the security checkpoints are, the cameras, the night guards. He knows exactly who he is, or rather _was,_ and his stomach turns at the thought.

It’s the middle of the night. The corridor is deserted. Fitz knows he should try to slow down, look less suspicious, but he can’t. He needs to get out.

He looks back over his shoulder again when his body slams against another person. Fitz tumbles backwards before catching his balance. He looks up. His eyes widen at the sight. His heart freezes over. He drops the laptop to the ground and grabs Ward by his jacket, pushing him against the nearby wall.

He must have caught Ward by surprise, because even though Fitz knows Ward could kill him with ease, the man’s doing nothing but stare back at him wide-eyed and surprised. Maybe it’s his reputation. The Doctor. Fitz remembers. Everything.

He pulls Ward slightly forward before slamming his body back against the wall. “What did you do to her, Ward? Where is she?”

Fitz knows he should keep his voice down. He knows there are two security cameras pointed right at him. But he doesn’t care.

He screams into Ward’s face. “Tell me what you know!”

Fitz is so focused on his opponent that he only notices the second person when her arm is already wrapped around his neck, pressing against his throat, pulling him back, away from the man who could have answers.

He knows who it is. Of course. They’re practically inseparable here. Daisy would be sick to her stomach if she knew.

But Fitz can’t give up. Not now. Jemma’s somewhere. She’s somewhere here. In the Framework. Maybe even in this building. If they’d caught her. If Aida’s virtual puppets had caught her …

He feels the metallic taste of nausea and worry in his mouth as he thinks about what could happen. He has to get to her. He can’t give up.

The second Fitz notices the attacker loosen her grip on his neck, he turns around and pushes Skye away. He grabs hold of her shoulders and pins her against the opposite wall. “What did you do to her? Where is she, Skye? Where’s _Jemma_?”

There’s a sudden change in her eyes that lets Fitz pause. The hands he has pressed against her shoulders are beginning to shake, but he keeps her body in place.

Fitz notices that she tries to lift a hand, her eyes glancing past him. His head darts back and he sees Ward who has taken a step towards him, but seems to have stopped mid-step.

“You know Jemma.”

Fitz’s head shoots back to look at Skye. She hadn’t asked a question. It had been a statement. _You know Jemma._

“You remember her,” Skye says quietly.

He stares at her.

“Fitz?” It’s barely above a whisper, but it’s enough for him to know.

His eyes fill with tears. His head starts spinning. His knees begin to buckle below him. He notices his breathing, quick, shallow, anxious.

When he feels her arms wrap around him, he allows himself to break down in her embrace.

“Daisy,” he sighs in relief, letting his tears flow freely. “What have I done?”

She pulls him closer, and whispers soothingly in his ear. “Shhhhhh.”

“We need to get out of here. This wasn’t exactly subtle,” Ward’s deep voice remarks.

Fitz’s turns his head, his chest heaving, clenching his jaw at the sight of Grant Ward. “What is—?”

“He’s with us … sort of,” Daisy explains.

Surprised, Fitz looks back at his friend. He doesn’t have time to doubt her. He knows she wouldn’t let Ward be involved if it weren’t for good reasons. Fitz was willing to trust her on that. He gestures at the broken laptop he’d dropped in the middle of the hallway. “We’ll need that!”

Ward picks up the pieces and hands them to Fitz. “Let’s go then.”

* * *

* * *

He follows Daisy into the apartment, his head nervously turning side to side, searching, wondering, hoping.

His body freezes when he sees her.

She’s holding onto the doorframe of what appears to be the bedroom, her eyes wide, shimmering behind a thin curtain of tears.

Fitz feels the corners of his mouth twitch with excitement. “Jemma!”

Her hands begin to tremble and the step she takes forward seems tentative and shaky.

He walks up to her, his hands reaching forward, but his mind holding him back.

There’s pain in her eyes—heartache, fear.

His eyes flood with tears. There’s so much he wants to say, ask, explain.

_What have I done? I’m sorry. This is my fault. Can you still love me? What can I do? I love you. Forgive me. Help me. Take me home. Marry me._

And yet there’s only one word left for him it seems, one word that hopefully will say it all: “Jemma.”

Her chin quivers and her eyes search his.

And then her arms wrap around his neck and he feels her tears soak through his shirt. She whispers his name over and over again, as her hands frantically roam through his hair.

Fitz pulls her closer, presses his hands against her back, his body flush against hers, and cries himself.

_You have to trust to be betrayed._

Radcliffe. Ward. His dad.

_After everything you’ve been through, no one would blame you if you put up your own firewall!_

In this world, it hadn’t been _their_ betrayals that rose a wall. It had been his own.

One regret fixed. The ultimate regret created.

_But you didn’t. Instead, you became the most open, loyal, caring person I’ve ever met. It’s why I fell in love with you._

“I love you, Jemma.”

She looks up, her fingers gently caressing his cheek, as a smile slowly brightens her face.

_You have to trust. ~~to be betrayed.~~_

_You can trust._

_You trust._

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this fic came from Agl03 who suggested that there seems to be tension between Fitz and May possibly related to Bahrain and Katya's rescue. My brain just took a very dark turn after that.
> 
> Do I think this is what will happen in canon? Not really, 'cause I think some things from canon already contradict things in this fic (e.g. no sign that Katya 'survived' Cambridge and could also have been responsible for what happened at the Academy). Plus, they'll never resolve the story as quickly as me :D
> 
> That being said, I am very intrigued by the idea that Fitz was indirectly or directly responsible for Framework!Jemma's death and guilt and grief caused him to turn to Hydra. ... THAT being said, I'm still 50/50 as to whether they knew each other at all in the Framework. Only time will tell ;)
> 
> Re Fitz's name: I went back and forth as to what to call him. I do think that Fitz goes by Leopold in the Framework (when he's not busy being referred to as The Doctor!), but with regard to this fic, I think at the very least Jemma called him Fitz and that's what he still would have preferred, but after her death he kinda dropped that. [AgentsofSuperwholocked wrote a great coda fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10551422) and she goes into more detail about the name change and it's very similar to what I have in mind (but it just didn't seem to fit into the narrative of my fic).


End file.
